Previously, Subha Shini had sent me a story she had written, asking if I could help her make it better. You read about the response I sent her.

Here are the two drafts she sent back to me.

Draft 1

Even when a pastor prayed and delivered her mother from demon possession; Manjula a 1st PUC student was not serious about her relationship with Jesus.

Manjula met our staff Mrs. Kumari in her neighborhood conducting Bible study for the youths: Manjula started attending the group regularly and the truth that she learnt from the Word of God helped her to grow in her relationship with Christ.

A few months latter Manjula attended a camp conducted by Campus Crusade: unlike her initial response to Christ  she met Pavithra a Hindu girl and shared about Chrisr to her; ‘since we both belong to the same religion and community. I could relate well with her ‘ says Manjula.

After attending the training in Evangelisim and Discipleship camp conducted on 12th to 14th January Manjula says i had a desire to share gospel with others and I am glad I could do that during this camp. ‘I now realize that it is my responsibility to let my friends know that Jesus is the true living God.’

 

Either draft works, depending on the point you are trying to make. Erik (taught with us in India) has taught me something more about writing stories. He says find the motivation for why people do what they do. In other words, why is each person in your story behaving the way they do. Sometimes you have to look at which person you have the most information about. Think with me. Who is this story really about?

Is it about Manjula? She’s the student who shows up in every paragraph. Her life changes so that she becomes more serious about her relationship with God.

Is this story about her mother or the pastor? Not this time, even though the pastor prays with power and authority and her mother’s life change, we only see them in the first paragraph.\

Is this story about Mrs. Kumari? God uses Mrs. Kumari to train and to disciple Manjula, but we don’t know enough about Mrs. Kumari’s life to make the story about her.

Is this story about Pavithra? Her life changes, but we know more about why Manjula shares the gospel with her than we do about Pavithra and her story.

So, let’s decide this story is about Manjula. We want to show how and why her life changes. Events tell how her life changed. Background tells why her life changed.

So the focus is something like: Manjula moves from not being very serious about her relationship with Christ to becoming serious enough to actually experience the good news of the gospel and share it easily with someone else. How did it happen? Your story will explain it.

While both drafts tell this story, and, depending on your audience, either one could work, I like draft one the best because events happen in a beginning-to-end sequence. I can follow the progression logically without having to look back and then look forward again.

Your second draft starts at the end where Manjula is sharing the gospel with Pavithra. In my opinion, the part that’s missing is why it is so significant that this event is happening. On first look, Pavithra’s life is the one that is about to be changed. To make this work, you would have to include a sentence like: Explaining the gospel didn’t always come easily to Manjula. In fact, there was a time when she didn’t care about her relationship with Christ.

Then you could move into the story about the pastor praying for her mother followed by the training Mrs. Kumari gave her in her neighborhood. Then end with with her saying the quote at camp.

In this case, draft one is done. It accomplishes everything you want it to.

There is always more than one way to tell a story. If you were given the same information Subha Shini had been given, how might you have told this story?